It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
