People in love make me want to vomit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Panties = found
Randomize
