When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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