dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
