32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
