Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
