The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
