the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
high people should be assigned attendants
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
