Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
