your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
