i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
