I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
