i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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