yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
