does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
