Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
