Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
