God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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