Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
