I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
