I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
