don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
