Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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