When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
