Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You made out with two different species that night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
