I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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