You don't have asthma, your pregnant
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
