I bet he comes in French.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
