It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
