so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
