we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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