Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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