Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
