We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
