If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found puke in my bra..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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