No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
