Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
