Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
