I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a trapeze. enough said
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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