i just google imaged poop.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
