i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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