hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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