I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
