I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
