i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
