I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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