i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
