shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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