mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
