Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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