Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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