She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
