On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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