why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
