Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
