so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
