So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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