she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
