you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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