i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
