Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
