i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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