Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
