He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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