I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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