as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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