I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
