i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
