Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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