At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
