Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
