i love accidental penises.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
