wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
