where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
