why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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