I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You don't make any sense
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