$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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