youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
